9/25/2011

Courage, perseverance, and tenacity (Reading Journal #1)

Courage, perseverance, and tenacity 
111056 10b3 박정민
092511
Reading Journal #1

"A man of ability and the desire to accomplish something can do anything"- Donald Kircher
Whenever people said that they can accomplish anything if they try hard enough to do so, I told myself that they were making a false belief to relieve themselves. But, for now I feel that it was a mere justification for me because I was too lazy to try something with all my passion and effort. Nowadays, like all other high school students in my age, I realize it is necessary to set up a goal and keep going for that.
             What’s a goal? Getting into my dream college? Working somewhere that has a stable pay? No, I don’t think so. Goal, in my definition, is something that is not that much far in the future. It should be something that is probable for me to accomplish in near future. In that sense, Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption had a contrasting goal to me. It was interesting how he kept saying that he had a hope and he was going to get out of Shawshank though Red had never really responded positively. My weak self would have never thought of setting up a goal like escaping the prison by breaking the wall for 20 years.
             Yes, for 20 years. That is even longer than the time I have lived since I was born. Perhaps that’s why I do not sympathize with what Andy has done. I cannot even imagine how long 20 years would be; 16 years has been long enough for me to change my belief several times. It is almost unbelievable how a man could endure for 20 years and be the same for such a long time. While reading the story, I wondered whether Andy had planned all that at once or it just turned to work out that way. I personally would want to believe the latter, since it would mean there is a god like thingy that helps you if you really want to accomplish something. Maybe I am still too young to be strong enough to imagine myself trying with that much effort.
             Although I am a little far from being as passionate as Andy in doing my best for an accomplishment, I do have an experience that I succeeded by trying really hard. I am still not sure whether I did something that worth as much as to get the amount of reward I had earned, or was it just a mere luck? About a year and half ago from now, I was almost desperate for getting into KMLA, not because it was such a good high school that would be an easy path for me to attend a good college in the future but because it seemed to be least in following the Korean education system, which I abhorred. It felt like I was going into a hell, if I had to go to a normal Korean high school. At that time, I studied as hard as if it was the last choice for me. Regarding the effort I had put, I was successful in accomplishing that little, actually rather huge, goal in my life.
             Frankly, I am not really sure about what my next goal should be at this moment. One thing I am sure for now is that I had a good chance for thinking sincerely about my goal and how hard I need to try after reading the book “Rita Hayworth & The Shawshank Redemption.” To be a little bit more sincere, I would have to say personally did not like the book itself; it is part of the reason why I did not really write about it. Despite my preference of this story, it was meaningful in a way that I actually tried to self-criticize myself. I will always remember how I could succeed by running for my goal and to try to do the same for rest of my life!

9/23/2011

Assignment #2

111056 10b3 박정민
2nd Assignment
092311 (FRI)
Mr. Garrioch

Mr. Teacher, You Ain’t a Factory Worker, Are You

“Throw this away!” There are always some defective products produced in factories as the machines churn out the same things over and over. The “defectives”, which look different from the original design that the company has wanted, are thrown into the trashcans. This process seems to be logical in factory working system since no consumer would want a deformed product. The thing is that, exactly the same process is happening at schools. All they want is to manufacture the same products, called “students”, in order to forcefully put them into the industrialized society. There is no such thing as creativity. School kills creativity.
Asked for what they are mostly concerned about nowadays, most Korean students would answer without any sort of hesitation, “definitely the tests!” Students are obsessed with test scores, which they get based on how much information they have drilled into their heads. For taking the standardized tests at schools, no creativity is needed. It is all about who has done a better job in cramming every single detail from the textbooks. Even KMLA, advertising itself as the only high school in Korea where students can study for themselves while developing their own creativity, has this very standardized examination and scoring system. As Sir Ken Robinson has said in his lecture, many creative and brilliant people think they are not, because they are neither valued at school nor valued by the standardized examinations.
Not only the test undervalues creativity and originality of students, but so does the whole mood of classroom. There are two things you are not allowed to do in class time if you are a student. Most importantly, you cannot ask anything that needs to be elaborated further than what the textbook says, because the teacher does not know it either, and gets insulted by the question. Also, you can never raise your hand to answer the teacher’s questions and be wrong. The teacher would get very frustrated and start to embarrass you, supported by other students who would also want to get involved in fooling the “wrong” friend. After experiencing this, now you are not able to try out for an answer in class, afraid of being wrong. “If you are not prepared to be wrong, you will never come up with anything original.”- Sir Ken Robinson. Schools do not allow any creativity outside of information that they want to put.
As students, after the whole process of “cramming” information altogether into their heads, all they think of is how they can get into certain colleges and get a nice job that pays high monthly salary. For schools, public education is a way of standardizing students to certain types to fit into the society. For students, public education is a way of getting a stable job. Education itself is never valued. Though “educating” students in such a way limits their potentials, it has been like that since the beginning of public education. Because the original goal of public education was to make people fit into the industrialized society, they are still using the same strategy even now. The perception and ideology of getting into colleges and that being the final goal of education are ruining the possibility of students who could be much more innovative in the future.
Some could say, so what? Although more and more people have started to notice the problem, there is not really a clear way of creating the new education system. Standardization of test questions seems to be the fairest of all the methods. There are only few examples that show the system of developing students’ creativity, such as Finland’s. For now, no one knows what the most suitable program for students to both find their originality and learn classics at the same time is. There does not seem to be a definite answer for how the change should be done in order to replace the old one.
But, not having a definite answer does not mean having to stay the same. There are clear problems. Schools are killing creativity. The world in next 30 years would not be the same as the world in past 30 years. The next 30 years would not be the competition of having a degree and just cramming information in you head. “We must think anew and act anew.”-Lincoln. It is time to at least realize what’s problematic and start finding a new good method.










9/17/2011

091611

“It's hard to win, easy to lose
We play a game we cannot choose
As steady as a rocking horse, as subtle as a bruise.”


“Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules.” This used to be one of the worst quotations I had ever seen in my life, at least I thought so. It was mostly because Mr. Spencer said this, and partly because I hated the word ‘rules’ used up there. “Following the rules” ties you to stay in the same position all the time.  Perhaps what I play now, one of the many games that are included in the big game called life, is the hardest one ever. I want change. And that is the game.
I am confused. I have always been confused about how the whole society works. Whenever I try to find out something that happens around the world, even just this small country, I feel the same thing over and over: this is not right. I used to abhor Korean government to such an extent to write about their brutality as the topic of my last term-paper for Mr. Johnson’s class. But, though I still think they are wrong, I changed my way of thinking a little bit. It is not just about the government and the president functioning in a wrong way, but the whole society.
I live in dorms. In this small dormitory society, everyone is overly interested in one another. Even for the least important things, they take care a lot, a bit too much. Students always spread rumors, and so do the parents of the students here. It’s their biggest pleasure of life. People are all the same. They think of themselves so much that they are always afraid of getting hurt from others. Spreading rumors is one of the ways to prevent from getting hurt; at least that’s what they do.
About four months ago, this May, I was literally “in love” with one of the seniors. It was more likely I worshipped him. Whatever he did looked so right, and I wanted to be like him. I still don’t know exactly why. And there was this friend of mine, whom I trusted all the time, called A. Of course A knew all about how much I admired that senior. I think she wanted to play around a little bit. She told the senior that I liked him and wanted to go out! This was never how I thought of him. He was more like a model figure of mine. Somehow, he got mad at A, and told her to stop, saying some bad words. A got extremely scared and started to lie. She kept telling him I forced her to say that to him and stuff. This was the saddest moment I have ever had, not because she was playing around, but because I realized I was not such a big deal for her. She could just sell my name whenever she wanted to, knowing I trusted her the most.
Others in the dorm were busy spreading this rumor all around. I was suddenly a “such-a-weirdo” in one short day. Though my relationship with that senior broke up, that was not a problem for me. The important part was I lost my friend, trustworthiness of her. Some could say this would not be a big deal for teenagers, but it really was, for me. The world I used to live in turned into a completely different one. Since then, I feel like I should not trust anyone in the world. And from this one little incident, I could understand why this world works this way, in a wrong way. There is this hidden rule in the society, the rule people never promised to follow, but was formed naturally.
People don’t trust each other. They just can’t do that. Although they try to look as if they do trust others, it is just a way to form good relationships. In the end, people go for themselves because they are afraid of “what if others betray them?” Thus they betray others first, not to get the bruise from being betrayed.
Game is not always something that you have to play. Sometimes it is just there, and it is just so huge that you can’t even try to be a player. But now I am trying out for the game. The game is to break the rules up there, like “subtle bruises”; it often seems like as if it’s okay, but it still hurts. Rule #1: Preventing something is always safe. Everyone’s life is as steady as a rocking horse.




This needs to be completely revised, but I can't really think of a good way to revise it...

9/12/2011

09.12.2011

          I have found some of my writing pieces in my old folders that were hiding beyond my memories for a few months. As the revision process has been a difficulty for me to follow, even just by skimming through the essays, I could find very basic errors. I would revise them as soon as possible; this is what I have been saying all the time. And I have never even tried to touch anything from any of them. Since when did I become lazy like this! Well, I guess tonight must be one of those "do-it-later" nights that I have gone through for my whole life. Sorry, Jane, myself! I hope you take time for your self-examination someday, after reading this short paragraph, thinking "I have done this a lot!"









This is one of my favorite songs ever. Though I need to criticize myself at this moment, this is a small present for myself (for chuseok?). :)

Story of an Hour

“True Meaning of Freedom”

             The first thing I felt after I finished reading the story called “The story of an hour” was I was getting more and more unconscious. It was such a shock for me to realize that one lovely couple could end like this. There weren’t any severe problems between Mr. and Mrs. Mallard in their marriage. Although I don’t fully understand Mrs. Mallard’s reaction toward the news about Mr. Mallard’s death, I believe that there always are inner problems between two. On the other hand, I felt some sort of insecurity and fear of getting married to someone who might feel free when I am not with him. Also, imagining how I might be acting like Mrs. Mallard was quite scary.
             Since the story is comparably short to other novels I usually read, there are only few symbolic words that I could find. Though there were a few, they all had deep meanings inside. To start with, Mrs. Mallard had a heart disease which rolled a big deal in the story. Because of the fact that her heart wasn’t working very well, she was in a big grief when she got the news about the accident of her husband. However, the sick heart started to pound hard since the moment she felt she was now free from all the oppression she used to get from her marriage. How her heart beat so fast explains how much she wanted to be free as a woman in the world. Moreover, she kept describing the open window and the things she could see through it. Blue sky means her free life from now on, and the open window is something that connects her to the new world of freedom. I really liked the concept of the open window and the society she could now view as a “freed person.” Though I mentioned that I don’t quite understand how this woman could feel so good and joyful, I could feel the meaning that was implied in the word “window.” She is happy just for realizing that she could now reach out to the outer world.
             The most interesting part was the ending scene where Mrs. Mallards died of a shock she got from the fact that her husband was actually alive. The last line saying, “When the doctors came they said she had died of heart disease-of the joy that kills” was an irony here. The part “of the joy that kills” made me laugh since I noticed it was used in the opposite way, frankly. Even though she had a heart disease, it was too much for her to die suddenly just because her husband was proved to be alive. I wonder if all the wives in the world act like this. I seriously want to know whether it is that much of oppression to live the world as a wife a someone. After being able to answer the question, I think it is time for me to major in psychology!


04.13.2011

A&P

          When I first read this story, I was just shocked at how the author could write as if it is his diary, which means every single moment was described in a very specific detail though it could be a little bit embarrassing for both the writer and the readers. Few minutes after I could barely get back to normal from the panic, I began to feel there were things that this author was trying to say, things which have deeper meanings than they seem to be. I learned a lot from this short story than I expected at the time when reading it for the first time.
          To start with, one of the main points that the author tries hard to accentuate is the fact that girls and boys are totally different in a way of thinking and acting, especially in their teenage days. Boys are usually more childish than girls, and the girls are much more mature than the boys. They are proved to have a very different brain structures from each others, and this is why they think so differently almost all the time. In the story, Sammy keeps thinking of the girls' bikinis although the girls do not even care. He tries to wait sitting on the aisle. The reason why Sammy acted as if the there actually was some kind of special things is because boys just think that way.
          Furthermore, I felt that the story has the meaning of the event that would be in the very first page in the Bible. Since the time god told Adam and Ive to feel the embarrassment of not wearing anything, people started to think it is extremely weird, more like horrible, not to put on any clothes that others do wear. However, the three girls only wear their bikinis, and Sammy understands it, more like he enjoys it. When the girls first appeared, Sammy could not even say a word, staring at them as if they are the goddesses came down from the sky. I cannot bet whether Sammy just understands the girls' situation or he is just happy seeing them in bathing suits only. The thing is that the society looks at people with prejudice when they are even just a little bit against the basic rules of where they live. Wherever they live, shopping in their bathing suits is almost always against the promises that people have in their mind without saying anything. Thus, there is a need to think from the opposite point of view. We never know what is right or wrong.
          Moreover from the previously mentioned society rules, this story is talking about the reality where the society never allows you to speak out your opinion when it is different from the most of people's. I cannot say whether what Sammy did was a right thing or not, I am able to argue that his thought, whatever it is, is something that should be praised. I mean people need to at least recognize there is this kind of man expressing this kind of opinion to the world. However, Sammy's idea was ignored by lots of people including the owner of the shop and the three girls he tried so hard to protect. Yes, this is the reality we have to face. Everything, which does not matter what this is specifically, that is a bit different from what common people think, is always rejected. This is the world we are living.
          As I mentioned very previously in the passage, I still think this story is sort of embarrassing to read. However, after I found out the few points accentuated in the story, I really think this is a great short story that has one of the deepest meanings I have realized while reading novels. I love how it described this one side of our society so well with a situation that is unusual yet surprising!


03.05.2011

9/11/2011

Mid-Term Break

Mid-Term Break 
Seamus Heaney

I sat all morning in the college sick bay
Counting bells knelling classes to a close.
At two o'clock our neighbors drove me home.

In the porch I met my father crying--
He had always taken funerals in his stride--
And Big Jim Evans saying it was a hard blow.

The baby cooed and laughed and rocked the pram
When I came in, and I was embarrassed
By old men standing up to shake my hand

And tell me they were "sorry for my trouble,"
Whispers informed strangers I was the eldest,
Away at school, as my mother held my hand

In hers and coughed out angry tearless sighs.
At ten o'clock the ambulance arrived
With the corpse, stanched and bandaged by the nurses.

Next morning I went up into the room. Snowdrops
And candles soothed the bedside; I saw him
For the first time in six weeks. Paler now,

Wearing a poppy bruise on his left temple,
He lay in the four foot box as in his cot.
No gaudy scars, the bumper knocked him clear.

A four foot box, a foot for every year.

            Break is a word that I would love the most in these days, going through tons of studies and assignment to finish, whatever the reason for my break would be. A restless heart for freedom, this is how I feel whenever I think of having a break. Even at this very moment, I am looking for the winter vacation break I would get after this one big semester. When I first read the title of a poem called “Mid-Term Break” by Seamus Heaney, even from just looking at the words, I could imagine the narrator having so much fun during the break.
For the first time reading, I just skimmed through the poem as if I were not really interested in it. However, skimming already told me this was not the kind of poem I expected. To be sincere, I thought of getting rid of this poem because the mood made me down for some reason. I did not see the detail of it at first, but the feeling I got was so unpleasant that I could slightly guess someone had died in the poem. This was merely a prediction at that moment, though. Reciting the poem word by word got me more sense on what it was talking about. It was just totally different from what I have expected.
What I have noticed in a pretty straight forward way from the start is that this poem has a clearly formal structure. It has a loose iambic meter in three line stanzas. The lines in three stanzas, third, fourth, and sixth, keep going and end the sentence in the next stanza which is quite interestingly abnormal. Unlike them, the other four stanzas, first, second, fifth, and seventh, have their lines end the sentence in themselves. Occasionally, there are literary devices like assonance or rhymes in this poem. To exemplify few of them, the parts where it says “ambulance arrived” in the fifth stanza and “four foot” in the seventh stanza make some assonance sounds. The line of the poem, “A four foot box, a foot for every year” forms a rhyming couplet and this helps emphasizing one of the crucial and basic atmospheres created in this poem.
The whole poem is basically about a death of a young child who seems to be the narrator’s younger brother. The difference between how other people react to this, and how the narrator’s feeling changes are the two main points I have focused on. The very first part shows the scene where the narrator was waiting for the class to end and was “counting bells”. However, the part where it says “knelling classes to a close” lets the readers infer that something not very pleasant might happen as the story goes on, since knell has two different meanings: sound of a bell, and an evil omen. The last line of the first stanza saying “at two o’clock out neighbors drove me home” that something unusual really has happened, and that his parents could not come to pick him up themselves.
In the first verse of the second stanza the narrator “met his father crying” in the porch. Although he was usually strong at other funerals, the sorrow he got from the death of someone, whom we do not know exactly who it was yet, seemed to be unbearable at the moment. “And Big Jim Evans” who must be their relative or a family friend told the narrator that “it was a hard blow”. From this line, it is clearer that someone very important to the narrator’s family had died.
The third and fourth stanzas keep on telling how other people at the funeral reacted on the death. The part where it describes the baby laughing and rocking the pram shows his lack of understanding about the concept of death. Because the baby was just innocent of all that kind of knowledge, he reacted very normally and this shows that life goes on. The infant was innocent in all sense and so was the narrator at first. He claims he was “embarrassed” because the old men at the funeral were “standing up to shake his hand”, which tells of his lack of comprehension. The part “whispers informed strangers I was the eldest” finally clarifies the person who died was the narrator’s younger brother.
Unlike the father, who was crying hard, the dead child’s mother did not react the same, but only “coughed out angry tearless sighs”. To be honest, I did not get why she was not sad, and wondered what would have caused the difference between the reactions of each parent. Even though it is said the society changed in a way that both parents raise their children equally, it is still true that there is difference in between the amount of responsibility and feelings that each parent has toward his or her children. It cannot be denied that moms tend to feel closer and put more love and literally raise their kids because the babies were literally “inside” them. On the other hand, dads, they also love their children, but it just can’t be the same as how moms do. This situation where only the dad was crying and the mom was being angry could be explained by these assumptions. The mom was just inexpressibly grieved that she was not even able to start crying or anything. She just had to put all her complex feelings inside her mind.
Starting from the fifth stanza, the narrator began to meet his dead brother. The ambulance arrived with “the corpse” of the baby, “stanched and bandaged by the nurses”. It is imaginable how gross looking the dead baby might have been. However, when the narrator met his dead brother again, the next morning in his room, his tone of describing the situation changed in a more positive way. He even depicted the white flowers as “snowdrops” which represents purity. Unlike he called the brother as a “corpse” last night, now he tells that he saw “him” for the first time in six weeks. Because the baby was dead, he got paler. The part where it says “wearing a poppy bruise on his left temple” contrasts with the part saying “stanched and bandaged”. The word “wearing” here inwardly means as if the baby could take off the poppy bruise. Actually the part where I could get sure of the fact that the brother was a baby was where it says “he lay in the four foot box as in his cot”. Almost at the end of the poem, readers get the cause of the baby’s death; “the bumper knocked him clear” tells them it was a traffic accident.
The last line of the poem, which was previously mentioned to form a rhyming couplet, is the most important line throughout the whole poem. “A four foot box” is a repetition from the seventh stanza and “a foot for every year” shows that the baby brother was four years old. This not only informs the readers about the age of the baby, but it also makes the situation even more tragic. Someone who died in the age of four, by a car accident, is unfortunate enough to raise the feeling that this is a complete tragedy. This line also makes the poem full of suggestion and the feeling that it should not end here as if there are some more stories that the narrator failed to tell.
As I first mentioned, the title was totally on the opposite side with the story that the poem was telling. Despite the happiness and the excitement I first got from the title “Mid-Term Break”, the poem itself betrayed me and shattered my fantasy of a mid-term break. Mid-term break for the narrator was not full of expectations on good memories anymore. The title and the poem more than just contrast with one another. They make an irony, and this adds the tragic atmosphere even in a harsher way.
The fact that this was a true story of the author of this poem, Seamus Heaney, enabled me to think more of my family and imagine how I would feel if a similar thing had happened to me. Although I do not have any siblings and am the only child, it would not be that much different than the death of any other family members. To be sincere, I would be more like the dad in the poem, who cries and expresses his feelings as well. I am not mature enough yet to either endure the sorrow or attain the stage of becoming unable to start wailing. I wonder if I would be like the mom in the poem when I grow up to have a child; this kind of tragedy should never happen, though.
Overall, I loved the way how this poem was able to first focus on other people’s reactions and then show the narrator’s true feelings. It was more than describing a sad story or just a tragic experience that one had to overcome. However, it was like my going through this hard process of overcoming the death of my relative. I could find my way to start thinking and caring more of my family, by imagining the situation analyzed from this poem. To briefly criticize the poem, it would have been better if the author put more emphasis on how each parent had reacted to this hardship, in more detailed phrases. That way, we would have been able to get closer to what he meant by the difference between the responses of them. Except that, I loved how the poet chose his words, how he picked the title in an ironic way and everything. 

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