“What? You can’t come, Mr.
Ryu?”
It
was like an unexpected volcanic eruption that killed uncountable numbers of
people in Pompeii. Well, at least for us. We, the class number five, had been practicing
this ridiculous box dance for the last two weeks, just to win any place in the
Cheerleading Contest. Though none of us really “wanted” to do it, we put every
ounce of our energy towards winning the contest. This was significantly because
our adviser, Mr. Ryu, was participating very hard. I recorded the background
music, Isabella made all the dance moves one by one, and everyone made his or
her own box-head to wear; we even skipped numerous meals for practicing.
Considering
all our effort, the sudden announcement of Mr. Ryu saying he could no longer
participate in the contest on D-day was quite disastrous. Of course we
understood how much he wanted to help us, and how he was so upset being forced
to go to the seminar for the teachers. But understanding was not important at
that time. We only had the 30 minutes left for the lunchtime; we had to
choreograph the new movements from the start, in order to pretend as if Mr. Ryu’s
space was not empty. We were all exhausted, but Isabella, as usual,
demonstrated her leadership as the class president. Deliberating for about 10
minutes (we could not spend
any more time on the thinking process), we decided to make one person be the
fake-Mr. Ryu. And that was me, apparently.
Wearing
Mr. Ryu’s Hanbok school uniform, tying up my long hair, and finally putting the
box on, I turned into a real Mr. Ryu. The disguise itself was quite a bit more
successful than expected. It was quite fun to face some of my close friends
bowing at me. Even Mr. Sung stared at me with weird eyes, probably asking
himself, “Why in the world is he wearing that hideous box? He is my age.” Before
Flora, my overly talkative roommate, and Violet, my fairly talkative roommate,
revealed the truth to every single person they met, it seemed like no one really
noticed this awesome box-head was me. The talkative one did me a favor of
pushing the button for the fake Mr. Ryu, as it is shown above.
Finally,
the contest began. We were assigned to perform as the 11th team out
of 22 teams. Watching the other teams showing their best on the stage with wonderful
performance and costumes, we had to feel somewhat discouraged, to tell the
truth. One of the previous teams even played Taek-won-do and Kendo at the same
time. However, it did not take much time to cheer up the classmates, since we don’t
usually go with the words “discouraged” or “downhearted”. I asked Mr. Kwak, the
general manager of this event, whether we could quickly go outside to practice
for the last time. Right after the approval, we ran outside the door and began rehearsing.
Unfortunately, it did not seem to work well. Half of us were exhausted and the
other half were confusing the dance movements. Despite the failure in the last
practice, we had to come back in. I am pretty sure most of us, including me,
had 근자감 (unreasonable confidence) on how well we would perform at that
time.
Last
but not least, I would not talk about the details on how we did on the stage.
We did pretty well, at least I believe. The fact that we did not get any prize
was not that important. My dear classmates were already discussing whether we would
have a barbeque party or some other get-together events. This is what I love
about my class. We don’t get obsessed on the results that already took place,
but we seek for something more fun, something more valuable. We put all our effort
towards what we have to do, and the way we do it is what is significant to us. I
guess I found one great proving example for that statement that I’ve just said.
How cool.
Some grammatical things:
답글삭제It was like an unexpected volcanic eruption that killed uncountable NUMBERS of people in Pompeii. (W)ell, at least for us.
Though none of us really “wanted” to do it, we put every ounce of our energy TOWARDS WINNING the contest. This was significantly because our adviser(,) Mr. Ryu(,) was participating very hard.
We only had the (MOVE lunch time) 30 minutes left FOR LUNCHTIME; we had to choreograph the new movements from the START (DELETE first) in order to pretend as if Mr. Ryu’s space was not empty. We were all exhausted (DELETE out), but Isabella, as usual, demonstrated her leadership as the class president. Deliberating for about 10 minutes (we could not spend any more time on THE thinking process) we decided to make one person be the fake-Mr. Ryu. And that was me, apparently.
Wearing Mr. Ryu’s Hanbok school uniform, tying up my long hair, and finally putting the box on, I turned into a real Mr. Ryu. The disguise itself was quite A BIT more successful than expected.
We were assigned to perform as the 11st (Seriously?? You mean 11TH) team out of 22 teams.
Half of us were exhausted and the other half WERE (DELETE was) confusing the dance movements. Despite the failure IN (DELETE on) the last practice, we had to come back in.
Last but not least, I would now LIKE TO talk about how we did on the stage.
We don’t get obsessed on the results that already took place, but we seek for something more fun, something more valuable. We put all our effort TOWARDS WHAT we have to do, and the way we do it is what is significant to us. I guess I just found one great proving example for that statement (WHAT STATEMENT?). How cool.
Bonus marks if you make the changes above. As for the essay itself, as we just discussed in class - like I said, it's very good and fun to read. But you didn't read the prompt fully as most students have also neglected. You can keep most of this, and simply repackage it with a bookended intro and conclusion that address the photo you have at the top.
답글삭제Focus on the photo somehow, and make the essay about the photo. I think it's cool that you were disguised as your teacher, and that's where you should start the essay in a "guess who" kind of way. You can philosophically discuss the escapism you felt pretending to be your teacher, and how the guy in the Mickey Mouse costume at Disney Land must feel (some people think that's the greastest job ever while some think it would be hell). Anyways, have some fun with the content and you can also keep some of that good positive message stuff at the end.
If you want to use a different photo and go a different way with a new essay this can one can serve as an awesome "extra blog post." :)
Great to see the updated errorless essay. Again, this counts towards participation. Thank you for not wasting my time.:)
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