[Mr. Menard] Reflection on myself and the community

How is an individual related to the society that he or she belongs to? Does everyone even belong to a certain community? In "The Conversion of the Jews" by philip Roth, the main character Ozzie stands against the unreasonable conventions of the Jewish society in New York City that he lives in. Wondering about his identity and the relationship with the community, he basically rebels to the orthodoxy. He questions some of the most fundamental beliefs, which most others could not even imagine defying. This novella shows how a member of the community, who has been on the fringe, finally speaks. While reading it, I could not stop myself from thinking about my own identity and how I belong to the society that I seem to belong. 

Currently, I live in a society called Korea, not too small, not too broad. In my view, which most Koreans would probably agree upon, Korea is a country where the concept of family unit is considered very important. Compared to any other Democratic societies, Korea values conformity with the most amount of respect. By stating "with respect", it means anyone can be considered "weird," if he or she does not fit into what most people are in. Wearing clothes that do not seem like those of all others, looking different, or having special accents, especially if it's the accent of a specific region that Park Jung Hee and his followers used to isolate which I dare to mention, can all be the categories in which people can be seen as "strangers." For example, it is not difficult to find Koreans in their 20s, as well as the old ones, who would make condescending comments on people with disorderly outlooking that does not fit into the conformity of styles. The turned-strong version of cultural unity in Korea basically excludes anything that does not go with "the most". 

Furthermore, Korea is a strictly male chauvinist society. Though it seems like an open, equal community, there are still a myriad number of barriers that prevent equal opportunities for women. Even most of the females in Korea bear stereotypes on themselves. Especially obsessed with the attitudes and roles of women, many Korean people unconditionally believe in the traditional views of women: how girls have to be quiet, how moms have to cook whether she works or not, etc. Regardless of their political views, most people have legitimate preconditions in such an orthodox. I was incredibly shocked to figure out the unexpected number of Korean teachers expressing their disparaging remarks on female students, or female in general, in KMLA, which is quite a huge society for me. They even asked me why I would want to study chemistry when learning is not a real goal for girls, but marrying a husband in a "high level" is so. Those teachers are not the ones with extreme rightist views in politics; they are the ones who frequently got angry at the conservative society and claimed "justice" among everyone. This shows how people's "societal beliefs" don't always go with "righteous" convictions that they think they believe in.

I was grown up in a family that fits into the Korean standards of "well being people." Having always been in the first places, my parents graduated from one of the best universities in the United States with full scholarships. Now as renowned professors in the fields of chemistry, they seem like they have come along the most guaranteed paths for their whole lives. Though I have never expressed it in front of my parents, their "greatness" has been a huge burden for me. The expectations upon me, by almost everyone around me, has always been too high. Whenever I did something well, such as "studying", most people would say it was a natural consequence for me to have, for someone born with that smart "DNAs." They never valued my effort as the foremost reason for my success, success as a student. Though at first all those comments seemed like they were to encourage me to do better, they at some time has become a significant source of my stress as time goes on and one of the most significant factors that forms my life.

Nevertheless, my parents have been the people who help me shaping my perspectives of the world, which at least I think is more liberal than those of most Koreans. "Equality" has been the most crucial value accentuated in my family. My parents have practiced their beliefs from the tiniest things in everyday life. They would take turns in cooking, visit 시댁 (where my dad's parents live) first and then 외가 (where my mom's parents live) for New Year's Day, and do vice versa for Thanksgiving. It is impossible to imagine anyone in my family to talk to another authoritatively; even my grandmother always treats my mom in a strictly polite manner. Having conversation has also been considered extremely important within my parents. Especially my dad would start up a conversation on current issues and share his thoughts with me, full of respect for one another. Grown up in such a free and equal environment, the experience I had with KMLA teachers mentioned earlier remains as the most terrible memory I have encountered here. My parents' ways of thinking and living have given me a precious opportunity to learn things that I will never earn anywhere else.

It is quite hilarious to confess that I'm a minority considering my beliefs and gender in this community, but probably a top 10% in consideration of the family I belong to and the quality of education I get. With my backgrounds perfectly fit for the standards of Korean societal values, I, as an individual, am mentally an outsider. The fact of being a girl and liberal at the same time in Korea already suggests me a hard life in the future. Sometimes, however, I feel like a hypocrite in certain situations, those directly related to me. To be honest, I try to think in the "right" way I believe only when it is the other people's matter, but make justifications for myself if it were for me to be involved. For example, I get offended whenever I hear of those in high governmental officials abusing their power for the sake of themselves. On the other hand, I have satisfactorily imagined myself with numerous servants working for me. Isn't this just so ironic?

For now, I'm not really sure about how I'm going to seek for my identity. Though I have a junk of thoughts considering the society and myself, I can't seem to put them into a nice organization full of logic. I get a stream of what factors formed my point of view, etc., but not the core of "myself." I'm in the middle of an immense confusion right now. All I can do for now is to read more, to listen to diverse opinions of various people, and to have some more time spent just for thinking about myself. Only when I figure out who I am as an individual, will I be able to search for the true relationship between me and the community.